Over 10 blog drafts have filled this page in the past 11 months. Each one searching for the encouraging words to give, the lessons I've learned and most importantly the truth. I kept chalking it up to not having the right words to say, or not having the time or being in the "mood" to blog. Honestly though, I wasn't ready to share my truth. But now 11 months later I finally feel I'm ready. So here goes. If I had to choose a word for the last 11 months it would be "repurpose". repurpose (v.) adapt for use in a different purpose I can look at that definition and immediately pull out the word I don't like to hear. Adapting isn't something that has ever come easy, its a constant struggle between my human response and God's plan. Choosing to follow what God in the past year since leaving Brisbane, Australia had never seemed to come easy. Close relationships suffered, I let countless people down and none of my plans made sense. Honestly, I was heartbroken to leave a place and people I had come to love so much. And every time I took a step into something I believed God had for me a door seemed to close. Despite my years in missions and even more years developing a relationship with the Lord and knowing He is good and worthy of being trusted I slowly started to shut myself off to Him. I was confused and angry and questioned His plans because, well to me they just seemed to always end with tears of frustration for many different reasons and circumstances that strained a lot of the foundations I felt I had been building up in my life. I was left with the question "why did we work on building everything up to just tear it down again?" When I moved back to the States in July and started going to university after months of different countries and countless decisions that didn't make sense, I slowly started to shut out what the Lord had for me. I was tired of things changing, I just wanted to settle and be in one place for more than 3 months and I wanted my life to be my life. Selfish huh? I just started a routine, Go to school, go to work, repeat. In the midst of all of this I couldn't really figure out who I was anymore. I was becoming exhausted and I lost joy because of the mundane going through the motions attitude. My relationship with the Lord had just become routine. Pray, go to church, occasionally be in the Word, repeat. In mid-October I felt like I was in a pit. I didn't have motivation and I was just "surviving". I had been home for a few months but felt as though I was walking the journey alone. I "knew" that God was with me but I definitely didn't feel the closeness of His presence I had felt in previous seasons. It was at this deepest saddest seasons of my life since finding my relationship with Jesus years ago that I heard His voice for the clearest since almost a year prior. He told me that He was my constant and that in the good things that were to come in my life I needed to know He was the one who brought them to me. Not the decisions I had made and not the tenacity and drive I had to move forward in my career and what I wanted in life. From that moment on I have felt his love deeper than I could have known possible. Since mid-October and that moment of pure weakness at the feet of Jesus I have gained new friendships that have challenged and inspired me to understand and fall in love with Jesus more. I have been blessed with sweet roommates at our new place. I also have gotten jobs that I so need for my finances as well as a possible dream job (I have my second interview next week, so keep me in your prayers). Our human nature is to shy away from pain, keep away from anything that can make us vulnerable and rely on our personal strength to get where we want to be. The reality of this life is that if we do those things we will be left more empty than we can imagine. Even as someone who knows Jesus and the love He has it is so easy to fall into that false reality that we create our destiny and make the life we want for ourselves. My heart continues to ache knowing how easily I can fall into that and how much more so for the people that have never known and experienced the love of our Heavenly Father in their own life can fall into that life. Whether you are someone who like me has known Jesus for a long time or someone who doesn't know where to begin let this be a reassurance that He is always healing and creating new life in every season. The rough patches make way for new life and growth. I hope my experiences can help even one person to know Jesus deeper than I ever can. I'm still getting back on my feet after a whirlwind and challenging year but at least now I know it's Jesus who is moving my legs for me. Cause eventually I knew my legs were gonna give out. photo by :http://ancientromebuildings.tumblr.com/post/63624243125/uncommonjones-baalbek-by-haoma-known-as
Rome is built on ruins and is quite breathtaking; what make you think you can't be too? ------------------------ PS. As a Christian it is easy to look at our world and be SOOOO discouraged and not be able to see God's hand in darkness that is around us. Check out these cool testimonies and let it be an encouragement of what the Lord is doing currently in the world around us. Carry the Love- A campaign to inspire our generation to love like Jesus. http://carrythelove.com instagram: @carrythelove @crmovement Awakening Europe/Awakening Australia Instagram: @awakening_europe https://www.awakeningeurope.com https://www.awakeningaustralia.org John 1:5 (ESV) "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."
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