6 months ago I wrote these words. It was a letter to my Father. The God who has changed my life. And this is what it said,
Dear God, Okay, so I wrote one of these about a year ago. You changed my life. All of my prayers and deepest desires were answered and I met you in a place of deeper intimacy. I saw that you loved me and I recognised that you have been faithful to me since the beginning. God I want you. I want to have a deeper hunger and things for who you are inside of me. You have a detailed plan for my life. I want vision, I want to know the next step. I want to see my brother come face to face with His father, YOU! I want to see his life changed because I have seen you change mine when I was hopeless. You can do that, and I with faith believe that you can. I want to hear you speak every day. I want to use what you say to change this world for you and bring your kingdom to earth. Because I KNOW that when heaven touches earth, the earth and worldly things cannot quench it. I WANT to have an impact. I want my knee to be fully healed and restored and I believe that you can do that. God build my faith, allow me to trust you not only in the things I've seen you work and move in but also in the things I've never seen you do before. But I BELIEVE you can do those things too! God you rescued me and brought me out of darkness and into light. I praise you for what you have already done and will continue to do. Make me whole. Whole in YOU. I trust you. I believe in you. I have faith in you. I love you. Now I know it might be a little weird to be posting what I wrote to God and what was personal to me at the time. But I really feel like this blog is supposed to share what God is doing in my life and I believe He is also taking me on a journey of vulnerability. That was 6 months ago. This DTS now graduates in 2 days and all the students will go off to their parts of the world again. So much changes in 6 months. Now only in the physical of life but also in our hearts. I took some time this week to debrief all that has happened. All that God has done in these 6 months and I want to share that with you. So here we go. This has probably been one of the toughest seasons I have had to go through in terms of growing spiritually in my relationship with God. There have been trials and times where I have had to choose to trust God when I felt like it wasn't even possible. He has challenged me in leadership and there have been times when I have felt so unworthy of the position He has put me in. Although I am reminded of that phrase that kinda goes like "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called." That has been my source of hope in this season where most of the time I feel like I don't know what the heck is going on or what I'm doing. I just spent the last 2 months leading a team of 6 to Lima, Cusco and Arequipa Peru. It was a country I had never set foot in with a language that I only partly knew and a group of students who were older than me and honestly had more experience than me in a lot of what I was doing. But God called ME. Which really confused me and honestly still confuses me to this day. So every day of those 2 months I would wake up and have to ask God to give me faith to trust that He knew what He was doing. It was tough. Every moment. Every question that was asked and every comment that was made challenged me to wonder if I really knew what I was doing. And most of the time I really didn't. But God placed me there for a reason. Our team's contacts that were in Peru were this wonderful couple called Jordan and Joy. Joy was truly the most encouraging women with so much trust in people that I could ever imagine. She has a genuine heart to see leaders raised up and our conversations about life and what God was doing and where He was taking us was so encouraging to me. God is continuing to take me on this journey of a very rough season but I am thankful for what it is teaching me and where it will eventually lead me. Thank you for your prayers along the way. I am so thankful for all of you who support me.
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